I smile, that’s what I do when I’m happy and even when I'm feeling upset or down. I smile, deep within my heart is to let myself know that it's the only way that keep me awake and see all the reason to why I am still smiling. Although I know that I should be doing something like getting upset and angry and then rebel againsn't them people who upseted me and tell them all straight and forward right at their face about thing’s that they made me disappointed. But I still keep on smiling inside me trying to keep my two feet on the same ground where I'm standing now and keep my ego and pride away low to the ground yet not any of them seems to notice and realized my existence and I know for sure the reason to why they couldn't see all those hidden smile that I have inside me because not any of them take some time to figured it out.
I guess the least i can do is remain in the silence rather than telling them this and that as for what I know that I have no any rights to disturb them they are too busy on thinking about themselves and their disappointments too busy on looking for some mistakes to point back at your face and convincing themselves that it’s the right thing to do and then find a selfless reason so that by the end of the day when they come telling you all nonsense and the reason to why they misbehaved is nothing to do with them cause it's actually not their faults they aren’t the one to blame as for a reason they only did it cause we made them do it!! They don't care about what you felt who cares anyway..?? and why should they care right?? you ain't nothing to them eventually someday they will tell you that.
I continue smiling again inside me although on the particular moment's there are time I felt like exploding my temper and just lose control. Patiently I told myself to hold back all those evil thought’s I have in my mind and try to keep on the ground to where I stand then I smile again and flashback every little thing’s and slowly let myself remember again about every single thing they had done for myself, for all the good memories that they have shared and for all the great thing’s that they have made upon me like for keeping me accompany when I have nobody other them, I try to remember how they been there for me when no one seems care to be there.
I try to recaptured all the moments back then and then think as hard I could whether to let my mind decide what should be done and asked myself this is it still worth remaining on the same ground and having them around or perhaps it’s time to take the path and learn to walked on my own again and because I am too exhausted on smiling at every disappointments they have made upon myself it breaks my heart all over again.
But does any of them seems to care..?? does any of them realized that the things they are doing is hurting you from the inside..?? still not one of them atleast to try understand your place and situation as a human being with feelings even the machine will collapse getting hammer over again and again will you let them to wreak you all over again..?? Because I won't let any of them break me from the inside all over again.
They got too carried away with all their suspicions and making a false assumptions about yourself and then finally judge you on something that isn't even true and happening. They just forgotten about many things the good thing's that you done and sacrifice for them are forgotten the memories you once shared are lost and forgotten everything about you and little data of you and what you are to them are corrupted from the storage of their mind the only space that is left there is the malwares.
I AM UNRECIPROCATED for having a UNRECIPROCATED FRIENDSHIP that I know for sure but still I am smiling and talked nothing about it nor look for a reason to blamed or pointing out my finger on their faces and tell them that it's all their faults! and then grab myself a calculator for me to start calculating all the mistakes they have done to myself and so that I could find the perfect reason to stop holding on and just let myself exploded out freely lose all my temper without having any regret’s or feeling guilty for losing my anger at them. Yet, I did nothing than just smile and smile again, why..?? why..?? what kept me smiling all the time, am I actually dumb and how can I give and take so much with all their madness and also insanity!! remember we're all have demons and angels of our own.
PEOPLE CAN SAY WHAT THEY WANTED TO SAY AND LISTEN ONLY TO WHAT THEY WANTED TO HEAR. BUT EXCUSE ME, NO I’M NOT DUMB OR STUPID NOR WEAK, AND NEVER UNDERESTIMATE WHAT I CAN DO OR WHAT I COULD AND COULDN’T DO. YOU’LL NEVER KNOW WHAT I’M ACTUALLY CAPABLE OF DOING’S. THE ONLY THING YOU KNOW ABOUT ME IS THE SMALL DETAILS THAT PLANTED INSIDE YOUR HEAD.
FYI, FIGHTING, ARGUING OR ACTING BY MY OWN RIOTS IS ISN'T MY THING CAUSE I LIKE TO SETTLE THING'S ACCORDINGLY IN PEACEFUL WAY AS I KNOW MYSELF VERY WELL ONCE I START FIGHTING ABOUT SOMETHING I WILL NEVER, NEVER, NEVER STOP!! AND I NEVER QUIT NEVER EVEN IT TAKES ME A THOUSAND YEARS!!
1. I smile because when people make mistakes I forgive after all they are just human not a saint they made mistakes that they probably dont realized and so do myself I made mistakes too and i'm not perfect.
Yes, I forgive those people that hurt my feelings and for all their mistakes I give best chances only upon the limit cause I believe that every blind road has an end and stop signs which means when I finally said, I'm done and had enough. It's enough. The mind games has to stop.
2. I smile, when I think of all the promises they made but none of their word’s are kept truly for breaking their promises to me, yet dare to made promises again and convinced me to actually believe on the things they said but never done and for keep breaking their promises over and over again.
3. How can I trust them again or should I give myself a reason to trust them again..??
If you want my trust then come and gained it!! cause to me being fooled for once and twice is enough but not for the third time and fourth cause I can guarantee that it would happen all over again and again there's no such paper that can wrap a fire. And the most bitter truth to swallowed is you try everything to make them happy to keep the friendship lasted forever with all your efforts but at the end none of the single thing that you did for them are remembered.
THE BITTER TRUTH, NO MATTER HOW GOOD AND KIND YOU TREAT THEM AT THE END YOU ARE UNRECIPROCATED NOTHING COULD PLEASE THEM.
Some people tend to realize how important you are to them when they look around and found that you are not there anymore the moment when they find that you are still "useful" to them and losing a friend like you is a greatest mistakes they had ever done.
Could you ever imagine if this thing's could actually happen to yourself and what will you do..? I just smile. Honestly not everyone could smile on their disappointments. ☺
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