Shadow of the past holds the future hostage

When I try to look back at the things that I had left behind is one of the hardest thing’s that I must cope for looking back is one of the most bitter things that happen to me in this life which I have to swallow all alone by creating a world of imagination and an escaped for myself to hide from the real world. 

But there are times you know when you just cannot hide from it anymore then eventually you have to faced-up some of those super duper reality and I’m not a supergirl nor wonderwomen. Not at all because I don’t have a power to change the world but I’d like to think that I can make a difference to my life by keep on moving forward and not giving up easily.

But I let my own self down, I let people made a promise to make up to which they never do from time and time again. I'll let them took advantage on my innocent kindess. In fact I’m also not so happy as a dark force is on my case and I try to make success cause I believe that my future would be determined shortly as I am trying to be a better person.

But you know what they said? the higher you get by the more you must try but then I failed and cause I make the real world apart of my escapes. For once I’ve never stop thinking about the things that happening in my life the painfulness that I have with me since my childhood the time I had missed and anything that is related to me slowly leaving me behind and there are time I often feel like my life is like joke for everyone else! 

And I couldn’t help myself than only smile at it, though I know that when it’s come to facing up reality it’s another different story the fact is whether it’s up to myself to admit it or not cause what I felt deep within my heart is pouring like a heavy rain, but who know's more? other than my own selves. 

Is this real? am I standing in a real world or somehow? does anyone of you can tell me in what world am I living right now? Is it sort of fantasy or what do you think? the only thing I could tell you is my life is not as easy as people think, my life is filled with too many tears and also challenges the truth is sometime rarely pure and never simple but this is my world and also reality. 

They said sometime's we must get hurt in order to grow and we must fail in order to know what is best for ourselves cause our vision only clears after washed away with tears and pain.

I wish I can make thing's right I wish I have a power to change and solve the un-solve things. I wish GOD is listening to my prayers right now cause only "thee" the ALMIGHTY ALLAH who know what might happen today and tomorrow.